June 6, 2010 | Royce Eddington

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* You know in the horror movies when the scary “chee-chee-chee-cha-cha-chaaaaa” music comes up you know the dingbat on screen is about to get it? Well something like “chee-chee-chee-cha-cha-chaaaaa” music just appeared for the stock markets. According to Bloomberg, “circuit breakers” are getting installed “to slow trading in Standard & Poor’s 500 Index stocks during periods of volatility.” Wait… why are they installing this again? Are they expecting something we don’t know about? Isn’t this kind of like people in a horror movie saying “don’t worry! Everything is going to be fine!” Riiiiight. [BLOOMBERG]

* Speaking of financial things that fall down and go boom, a columnist for the Wall Street Journal predicts gold is about to need get a big nasty owie. As in lose a lot of its’ value. He also quotes Warren Buffett’s POV on gold, who says it’s really only valuable because we all agree that it is. “Gold gets dug out of the ground in Africa, or someplace… Then we melt it down, dig another hole, bury it again and pay people to stand around guarding it. It has no utility. Anyone watching from Mars would be scratching their head.” Next thing you know, they’ll say the same thing about diamonds! Ah ha ha ha ha! Wait…. [WSJ]

* Have you ever been out and about somewhere and you hear a ringtone that means your dear old Aunt Petunia is calling, only to realize it’s some other poozer who has the same ringtone you do and your phone was never ringing at all? Scientists have found out that “our brains store “templates” for our own ringtones, allowing it to distinguish quickly between familiar and unfamiliar tones.” So recognizing sounds is important? This took a buncha’ scientists to figure out? [NEW SCIENTIST]

* Another new study shows that parents who “helicopter” over their kids, nitpicking them to death, butting into every moment of their lives, and making sure they never ever ever ever do anything fun dangerous on their own, will somehow “produce children who are neurotic, dependent and more closed” than other kids?!? Noooooooo way! Seriously. This needed scientific proof? What’s next? [LIVE SCIENCE]

* A new super drink “can multiply brain cells and stop skin ageing.” The catch? It’s from North Korea. Place your bets! Place your bets! [BBC.CO.UK]

* Santa Clara County in California just made happy meals illegal. Glad to see these brilliant government bozos have their priorities straight! Next up, deposing the Burger “King”! [MCALL (MORNING CALL)]

* In fairly serious news, there’s a growing backlash against immigrants. Arizona was just the first state. Massachusetts just “passed a sweeping measure that would toughen or expand rules that bar illegal immigrants from obtaining public health care, housing, and higher education benefits. It would set up hot lines for anonymous tips about illegal immigrants holding jobs and encourage the state attorney general to consult with the US Justice Department to enlist more state resources to halt illegal immigration.” All this was set up in a very late-night meeting with three other senators “over strawberry cream pie, cranberry-lime seltzer, and M&Ms”. This kind of stuff can get ugly pretty fast. And I’m not just talking about the cranberry-lime seltzer. Ptooey! [BOSTON.COM]

* The ‘Thundercats’ cartoon writer was found murdered a short time ago, and police “found his arm inside of his abandoned van on the grounds of a Tampa Bay hotel”. The poor guy fell on some seriously hard times and was running with the wrong crowd. So of course, the asshats in LA mention “There have been rumors, by the way, that Thundercats would be turned into a Hollywood feature” in the article about his death. Stay classy, Hollywood! [LA WEEKLY]

* The Iraq wind-down progress in the words of a soldier. A seriously great read. [NY TIMES]

* And finally, did you hear the one about the rabbit and the rhino who walked into a zoo? Super best friends ensued! [DAILYMAIL.CO.UK]