Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars. Seriously. Somebody sat down at a desk and said “I KNOW! WE WILL CALL OUR PRODUCT TOXIC WASTE BRAND NUCLEAR SLUDGE CHEW BARS! THE KIDS WILL LOVE ‘EM!!”
Shockingly, Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars have been recalled by the FDA today.
Even though Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars are imported fresh from Pakistan, somehow, “the cherry flavor of the above-listed product contains elevated levels of lead (0.24 parts per million; the U.S. FDA tolerance is 0.1 ppm)”.
Lead. In a candy imported from Pakistan. Called Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars.
When I win the lotto, I think I’m gonna’ put some crushed Ritz crackers with some lime powder in a bright-glow baggie, call it ETERNAL DRAGON SCALES FROM THE BLOOD TIGER JUNGLE and see if I can’t knock off Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars off the shelf. Hey, no matter what I put out there, it can’t be worse than sucking on imported lead from Pakistan!
