I made a reply post on a big social blog that sounded like a crap fringe movie idea. After thinkig about it, I decided to re-post it here with a little more bondo-level kinds of detail. This nutty “D-grade” movie idea of mine that has no basis in reality whatsoever. As a matter of fact, you might need some boots to wade through this drek.
Here’s the premise… suddenly, in the not so distant future, something like 97% of the United States population gets violently active in the reformation process. (Maybe 98%. Maybe 99%. I haven’t got that specific yet.)
Did I mention this is a really bad satire? And you may need some boot-like accessories to proceed?
Anyhow, the “surface” reason for this 97% uprising is that they’re demanding change, but the big surprise plot twist is that the origin of the movement is nothing but a massive old-school Soviet sleeper cell that got activated!
DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!
This plot twist is based on the presumption that all the “evils” of capitalism that happened (quite suddenly) in the previous decade leading up to the uprising were actually caused by former KGB-like stealth operatives who were under orders to rise to prominence inside the capitalist system and cause financial chaos when they reached a high enough position.
The core conflict in the movie is a country-level ongoing chess match between Mikhail Gorbachevisky and Vladimir Putins (I think that’s what I’ll call their characters. I haven’t got that specific yet).
See, when the deep-cover CIA operative Mikhail Gorbachevisky succeeded in collapsing the Soviet Union, the former head of the KGB-like agency Vladimir Putins swore revenge. Putins was hardcore Communist, and he also knew Gorbachevisky was CIA, but he didn’t have enough proof to nail him until the USSR was beyond the tipping point. Plus, since Gorbachevisky caused the reformation to become “organic” over time, Putins couldn’t bring himself to attack his own countrymen since they were just victims of Gorbachevisky’s plot.
Right before everything shut down, and feeling highly responsible for not ousting Gorbachev in time, Putins called a few hundred of his KGB-like agency together and gave them two last standing orders. First: Divide the billions in the Russian banks among themselves since it would be better to seed the money among the motherland’s last true patriots than lose it to the oncoming wave of capitalism. Second: Every agent is assigned a profession to master in the US and to go over as deep-cover “sleeper” agents. Once each agent rose to a high level-status in their chosen field, they were to cause financial or cultural chaos!!!
DUN DUN…..wait, I did that already.
Putins would stay behind, marshal his own forces to re-take the motherland very quietly, and prepare for the counter-attack.
When the sleeper operatives arrived in the US, some reached prominence in their profession faster then others. All were still focused on the goal of making the US population sick of capitalism through subtle (and not so subtle) maneuvers. Propaganda movies. Purposefully destroying parts of the economic system. Songs raging against the unfairness of a 200+ year old system. Stuff like that!
Once enough propaganda was out in the mainstream, it was just a matter of time before the US reached a tipping point, just like Russia did under Gorbachevisky’s plan!
Once the 97% (or 98% or 99%) of the population got up in arms, and Putins secured his base of power in the motherland, the move to the conversion to communism begins! People rise up “organically”, and some random KGB-like agent “checks in” when the riots are in progress to make sure things move along as planned!
Lots of violence. Michael Bay slow-mo explodey stuff. “Hunt for Red October” swoon music. Expensive hijinks ensue!
The day after parts of the US votes pinko, Putins will then “officially” assume power in the motherland, go full-stabby on any remaining capitalist resistance, and announce the formation of NHCP – the Northern Hemisphere’s Communist Party! China, Russia, Cuba, North Korea and the US would all be on the same team. The payback is now complete!
DUN DUN… dammit, I did it again.
Extra cheeseball ending! The movie closes with Gorbachevisky laughing in a dark room while watching the news of the NHCP. He walks through a stadium-sized warehouse full of computers and thousands of people while lighting a cigar. As Gorbachevisky opens a door outside, you can see a massive “Russian Victory Day Parade” collection of military vehicles and CGI “that ain’t real” armored tech. The flag of India is flying in the background.
“My turn!” he says.
DUN DUN…. ahhh forget it.
Like I said, “D” grade material. Completely nuts. No basis in reality whatsoever. Completely missing the big picture. Mocking the contributions of thousands for a quick buck. Trivializing a serious movement for personal financial gain.
I sound like a screenwriter already!
Call me Hollywood!
UPDATE: OK, this is from a big-time RW website, but the there’s photos of someone stealing my idea!!! (Click to jump there.)
When you're Marchin' in Memphis!
And in Oakland? Ginormous banners? No! Not yet! I haven’t finished my first draft!
Wave your flag in the air like you just don't care
And there’s a website?! An official communist website that supports a 97%-like thing?!?!? Inconceivable!!
And now New York Post reporters are stealing my idea!! Unreal!
Et tu, Yahoo? Dammit!
@RT_com, a Russian news agency on twitter, is the best source of the #occupy and #OWS movement? And all of their retweets are from female-only reporters, some of whom just happen to be in the US? Nuts! I hadn’t thought of that!
Wait, some of the protesters actually conference with supporters in Northern Afghanistan? Oh come on!! No one is going to believe something that….. oh, there’s photos?
OWS standing by!
To top it off, now there’s news about my idea on newsbusters??
That’s it. I’m suing everyone!
I can sue for something I haven’t written yet, right?
UPDATE #2: Publicly replying to some recent direct-to-me comments in no particular order :
- Yes, I’m actually very aware some serious changes need to be made to the US government. But Communism? No. Hell no. Hell’s rotten busted bells no.
- Yes, I know the 99% has real issues and concerns. I do think they need to be a lot more coherent and focused, though. I think if they get a “for dummies” message out, more people will take them seriously. Right now, no clear message means the mainstream mom-and-pop kind in BFE do not know what this massive group of angry people want aside from what they are told by their local media. I think that is going to continue polarizing people in the non-occupied cities as time goes on, and won’t end well (long term) if it continues on that path.
- Yes, I know the 99% isn’t secretly managed by communists. They’re a real group. I do think they are occasionally occupied themselves with a few members of the loony-tunes brigade. I’m also well aware there’s card carrying members of the neighborhood asylum on the both left and the right of the political spectrum.
- You dislike the movement? Fine. But I think everyone should give major, major respect to the occupy movement for their non-violent resistance regardless of whether you agree with their protest/viewpoints or not.
- Yes, I know these photos and news articles are only a minority of what the Occupy movement is. I added them to give weight to my crap movie idea.
- Did I say I disagreed or agreed with the occupy movement? Nope. Neither. I’m a hardcore political centrist. No labels for me. I’ll make fun of everyone I think is acting a fool. And I think both parties need a massive kick in the ass.
- Yes, I know it’s a horrible movie idea. I went maximum-cheese on purpose. Seriously.