Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* When McDonald’s said they have specialty coffees, I didn’t think they meant maggots were in the machines that make them! But wait! It gets better! “The regional manager was contacted and her response was the machine must be kept on and we must continue to sell our specialty coffees.” The McDonald’s jingle needs to be updated to Ba! Da! Bah! Ba! Baaaaaarf!! [LANSING STATE JOURNAL]

* Next on “CSI : Detectives Gone Wild”… a man found dead with his hands tied behind his back and a bag over his head in the restroom of the LA Airport… “apparently committed suicide.” Wait, what? “The man apparently placed a plastic grocery bag over his head and tightened a jacket around his neck, then secured his hands behind his back using plastic zip ties… “so he couldn’t back out” of the attempt, said Los Angeles police Detective Mark Morgan”. Whoooooo are you? Who Who? Who Who? Iiiiiii really ain’t buying it. [YAHOO]

* In the middle of some hot and heavy court prosecutin’ action, Calumet County District Attorney Ken Kratz sent a domestic abuse victim “sexually suggestive text messages”. Kratz was apparently somewhat bored by the fact he was prosecutin’ the victim’s ex-boyfriend on charges he nearly choked the victim to death, and decided to send her “a series of respectful messages” to pass the time. So let’s see what kind of respectful messages he sent…

• R U “the kind of girl that likes secret contact with an older married elected DA?”
• U R A ‘tall, young hot nymph’!
• ‘You are beautiful and would make a great young partner one day’!
• “I would want you to be so hot and treat me so well that you’d be THE woman! R U that good?”

Oh yeah. Very respectful. And perfect timing! I wonder if he thinks it would be OK for doctors to sell cigarettes in the cancer ward? Or firefighters to give free matches to every arson victim? A DA hitting on a domestic abuse victim of a case he’s prosecuting? That’s a whole new breed of heartless! [AP]

* Remember when the “old” broadcast TV went away a few years ago? Ever wonder what happened to all those reserved frequencies? Well, it looks like the big tech juggernauts are moving in fast to make it… broadcast WiFi. WiFi connections with the old-TV city-wide broadcast signal strength? Hoo-ah!! Bring it on!! [BLOOMBERG]

* Instead of a cool headline like “Jupiter is careening towards Earth! Everybody Panic!!”, the science blogs go all fact-based and say stuff like “Jupiter will pass 368 million miles from Earth late Monday, its closest approach since 1963.” Fine! If you want to be all factual about it! [PHYSORG]

* Speaking of factual, apparently everybody’s taxes will go up if the Bush’s tax cuts aren’t re-enacted. D’oh! [YAHOO] and [USA TODAY]

* And finally, if I ever get to be a multimillionaire, have mansions on three different continents, own an art collection worth more than most companies’ annual incomes, and have fans that still pay $50 a ticket to fill up a stadium to hear me sing (BWA HA HA!!), I sure as HELL won’t start taking drugs and pass out in a pot haze in public so many times I eventually wind up in jail for it!! George Michael, you ungrateful bastich. Take your own advice! “Better watch out. Baby who’s that? Don’t look now, there’s a monkey on your back… why can’t you do it? Why can’t you set that monkey free?” [YAHOO]

…and, of course, the obligatory video….

That’s all I got this week. Back Monday!