Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* Here’s something no mainstream media will report : it has now scientifically been proven that watching TV will shorten your lifespan! Seriously. Now turn off the “idiot box” and go outside already. [LATIMES.COM]

* The police WILL now arrest you in Boston for video recording them as they are arresting someone! It’s called “Illegal Video Surveillance”, citizen! Do jackboots compensate for something? [BOSTON.COM]

* 104 year old human tank, who could lift 475 lbs with his teeth, bench 635 pounds and pull 3,200 lbs, never ate meat, alcohol or had cigarettes and walked five miles every morning was killed by his archenemy – stupid people. A mini van ran him over. [NYTIMES.COM]

* The TSA is a lying pack of perverts. “The Transportation Security Administration has promised not to store or transmit nude images of airline passengers made by whole-body scanners, but when it asked manufacturers to submit bids for such machines, it required that the scanners have exactly those capabilities, according to agency documents obtained in a lawsuit.” Does the TSA now stand for Turd Sucking Asshats? [NYTIMES.COM]

* California may delay paying some bills in March because they’re low on cash. But they’re good for it! Really! Just spot them this one hit, man! [BLOOMBERG.COM]

* Have you noticed ammunition prices are a still high? I’ve noticed my ammunition of choice is now around $2 – $3 a round! An article on ammoland breaks it down… in the United States last year, gun owners bought over “14 Million Plus Guns In 2009 – More Than 21 of the Worlds Standing Armies Combined.” Now if you figure the “14,033,824” people each bought 100 rounds of ammunition for their new firearm? That’s 14,033,824,000 rounds of ammunition sold! Supply and demand 101. [AMMOLAND.COM]

* And speaking of ammo, monks are now packing heat! The monks have realized something I always knew. Any .45 > kung fu. However .45 + kung fu = blockbuster movie. Or it could just be a great defense against thugs who like to pick on monks. Now if only the local Amish would pick this up… [RELIGIONDISPATCHES.ORG]

* And finally, it’s the Worlds! Largest! Disco! Ball! In France, of course. [GIZMODO.COM and LIFELOUNGE.COM]

** Posted on Sunday because of a severe “PEBKAC” error.

A Longmont, Colorado prankster was arrested for putting labels of his own design on some Gatorade bottles in some grocery stores around Colorado. The labels Jason Eric Kay made had… “a photograph of professional golfer Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Woods on one side, and the word ‘unfaithful’ on the other side”.

Sounds pretty harmless, right? But does the U.S. Attorney’s Office and the Food and Drug Administration Office of Criminal Investigations (FDA OCI) sure don’t think so. The DOJ and FTC are charging the prankster with “intent to cause serious injury to the business of any person” and are saying he needs 5 years in prison and a $450,000 fine!

No, Really! I’m not kidding!

Jason is being charged with “misbranding and altering food labels with intent to cause serious injury to the business of any person… The introduction or delivery for introduction into interstate commerce of any food that is adulterated or misbranded (which carries a penalty of not more than 1 year incarceration and not more than a $100,000 fine)…  The alteration, mutilation, destruction, obliteration, or removal of the whole or any part of the labeling of, or the doing of any other act with respect to food, if such act is done while such article is held for sale after shipment in interstate commerce and results in such article being adulterated or misbranded (which carries a penalty of not more than 1 year incarceration and not more than a $100,000 fine) AND …With intent to cause serious injury to the business of any person, tainting a consumer product or rendering materially false or misleading the labeling of, or container for, a consumer product which affects interstate or foreign commerce. (which carries a penalty of not more than 3 years’ incarceration, a not more than a $250,000 fine.)

What. The. Hell.

How exactly does this re-labeling a Gatorade bottle have any “intent to cause serious injury to the business of any person” possibility whatsoever?! He covered a store label with a sticker. A sticker! His punishment should be to pay back the store owner(s) for their merchandise, and, at the very worst, write an apology to Gatorade.

What the hell is wrong with these idiots blowing something like this way out of porportion? Do they have nothing else to do? That’s the biggest fish to fry up there?

Hopefully Assistant U.S. Attorney Jaime Pena will plead this right out the door. But if it goes to trial, I would love to see the judge’s reaction when they read the charges.

Here’s the link to the OH MY GOD ITS A FAKE TIGER WOODS LABEL ON OUR DRINK release from the Department of Justice.

It’s nice to see a major government agency taking great strides to keep up with current public expectations.

Today the FDA announced earlier today they have launched the first phase of its Transparency Initiative which will “explain agency operations, how it makes decisions, and the drug approval process.”

The FDA, one of the few agencies who have already fulfilled President Obama’s mandate for more openness in government agencies, is really pulling back the curtain for everyone to see how the machine works. This is wonderful project, and exactly how the rest of the government agencies should work.

Here’s the link to the FDA press release, a link to the FDA Transparency Task Force, a link to FDA Basics, and an Update on Phase I of the Transparency Initiative.

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* California shut down their recycling centers to save money. Now if Hollywood would quit recycling garbage, we’ll all be all set! [OAKLAND TRIBUNE and SACRAMENTO BEE]

* Oh no! The super rich who have never had to work for a living are losing money in this recession too! They’re having to take trips on friends’ yachts because they no longer have their own private yacht anymore! They’re having to purchase apartments for their mistresses as opposed to getting them a new home! The shame! The horror! To quote officer John McClaine (Bruce Willis) on the matter… “WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL!” [SPIEGEL]

* US car manufacturers still can’t figure out why nobody is buying any of their cars. Captain Obvious just flew in would and would like to point out there are now “246 milion licensed cars for 209 million licensed drivers”. Ah hah! That sounds like a clue! [GUARDIAN.UK]

* It’s not looking good long term for the United States. The Economist magazine just issued a big red honkin’ “Bubble” warning on government spending saying… “the prices of many assets are being held up by unsustainable fiscal and monetary stimulus. Something has to give.” These guys know money like Santa knows cookies, so if they say somethin’ bad is coming, you better go ahead and plan for it. [THE ECONOMIST]

* Oh, and unemployment is still at 10%. And it’s predicted to rise to 11% or more this year. Conveniently, the government doesn’t count people whose unemployment checks have run out as being unemployed since they are no longer receiving any unemployment checks after a year. Isn’t that kind of like saying someone no longer counts as being overweight after they’ve been overweight for over a year? I think the official unemployment level of 10% may be just a tad on the low side. [YAHOO]

* And to put the cherry on top, PBS did a special on the debt and how bad things are seeming. You know it’s bad when PBS puts a fork in you. [PBS and PBS FRONTLINE]

* The cooks in the government health care kitchen say “no transparency for you!” Even though the President specifically promised there would be transparency during this whole health care bill thing for America. Turns out – not so much. And on a related note, didn’t President Obama specifically promise during his campaign there would be absolutely no forced healthcare insurance? But now… it will be mandatory insurance or else you will get a fine and jail time. This isn’t the change I signed up for.  [CBS] and [YOUTUBE]

* China was down to their last tiger. Their last of these terrifying yet majestic of the great beasts in their whole entire country. And what did they do? Did they keep him safe by moving him away to another country or putting him in a giant secure habitat? Nah… they let a villager eat him. Tiger sandwiches anyone? [TELEGRAPH.CO.UK]

* And finally, something completely different. Peter Pan seems to be a home wrecker! At least in this high school play he was! And later, you can see some of the kids were also hitting the pixie dust a little hard that night.