Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

This week is going to be an abbreviated version because I’ve just discovered Gears of War 2 for Xbox 360. (I have a rule I don’t pay more than $30 for any video game and GOW2 just got there.)

Right! Onward!

* If someone said new home sales are in the gutter, that would be an improvement from where they are now. New home sales fell to the lowest on record, which isn’t a good sign for a supposedly recovering economy. [CALCULATED RISK] has some scary and detailed graphics on how ugly this whole thing is, and [USA TODAY] has some pretty graphics on… well, whatever they are advertising this week.

* The first Americans may have been Texans? As in “the oldest human habitation in North America”? As in 15,500 years ago? And they were from AUSTIN? Well, if there’s anyplace in Texas that’s further ahead than the rest of them, Austin would be the city. LONE STAR REP-RE-SENT!!! [CHRON]

* The CIA actually has a troubleshooting checklist? I always thought their only troubleshooting advice was “if they aren’t in range, get closer.” The really scary thing is that this checklist is actually useful! [BBH-LABS]

* AT&T records everything you do on their network, whether you are using their phones or their web services. They then hand everything over to the NSA without any reason whatsoever. Close your eyes! Make a Wish! Count to Three! Come with meee…. and you’ll beee…. in a wooorrrlllld where AT&T is a punk ass government bitch that doesn’t give a fuck about their customers or the constituuuution! Wait, that’s not how their commercial jingle goes! [EFF]

* And finally, a former US marine “ended up on the government’s no-fly list because he exchanged e-mails with a Muslim cleric they were monitoring.” His crime? He asked a question about raising kids in an interfaith household. The marine, completely innocent, was then told by the F.B.I. that they would take him off the list “if he would become an undercover informant at mosques.” WHAT. THE. FUCK. Have the F.ucking B.atshit I.diots handling this case lost their minds? 8-balling a marine? For a crime he didn’t commit? Nice job, guys! How’s that constitutional toilet paper workin’ for you all? [SUNTIMES]

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* I’m going to start this post with a major “wait, WHAT?” article. Tokyo Electric power, those guys that are responsible for the “OK maybe you should stand a little further back after all” nuclear power plants in Japan? They intend to build a new nuclear plant in the south Texas gulf area. As an extra special bonus, “President Obama has stated that the Fukushima disaster has not altered his plans to expand nuclear power in the United States.” Glow in the dark fish with your oil spill fries anybody? [YAHOO] and [CHRON] and [WONKETTE]

* A BACON OF THE MONTH CLUB?!?!? SWEET BABY BUDDHA WHERE DO I SIGN UP? [URBAN DADDY]

* Did you see the latest episode of WWFF (Wide World of Fast Food) SMACKDOWN? Subway “MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY” Sandwich ran up behind Ronald “GOLDEN ARCHES OF AMERICAN JUSTICE” with a 6″ wheat sandwich and knocked him out! Then took the crown right off his head!!! [HUFFINGTON POST]

* Stacked on top of the “can they do that” pile, the US has been sending those highly expensive Predator-spy drones into Mexico to track drug dealers for the last few months. Maybe with the Mexican government’s permission. Maaaaybe not! Ahhh what’s some questionably legal tactics among friendly countries anyhow? [BBC.CO.UK]

* Here’s the Trivia Question of the month. What do you call those black metal things with the sliding parts you see on the floor of shoe departments that can measure your foot? They’re a “Brannock Device”! The story behind them and the man’s struggle to retain copyright on them in the [WSJ].

* How deep in the financial rabbit hole is the US? As of February, $223 billion. That’s the largest one-month shortfall in history of ever ever ever. [DAILYMAIL]

* As anybody who has a computer knows, there’s a humongous difference between shutting something down and restarting it. Obama apparently needs some help in the shut down / restart department because he recently decided to restart the Guantanamo Bay Trials. As in, not shut them down. Like he said he would. [HUFFINGTON POST] My favorite part about the new and improved restart? “Some detainees were so dangerous they must be held without charge”. [NY TIMES] But wait! There’s more! That cruel and inhumane treatment of prisoners? Still going on under Obama, but thanks for voting anyhow! [HARPERS]

* The US defense secretary says the “US troops could stay in Afghanistan in a training role beyond the planned 2014 withdrawal.” Not surprisingly, this little tidbit was only covered in an overseas news article. As Gomer Pyle would say, SUHPRIZE! SUHPRIZE! SUHPRIZE! [AL JAZEERA]

* Insult? Injury. Injury? Insult. This month, the House voted down a bill that demanded a full Afghanistan troop withdrawal 93 to 321. The way I see it, that’s 321 warmongering idiots that must be voted out of office if we really want change to happen. [THE HILL]

* In the “sprinkles on top” department, the cost of living in the US has hit a record high, “passing pre economic crisis levels for the first time.” Wheeeeeee!! [DAILYMAIL.CO.UK]

* OK Hollywood, here’s your movie idea of the week. Scientists just found pieces of our DNA that don’t belong to anything. As in no organism that has ever existed. Sooooo where did this mystery DNA chunks that’s in of all of us come from? DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!! Hey, if Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus got made, I’ve got a chance with my crap ideas too! [NEW SCIENTIST]

* Scientists have just found out that black holes like to fart in the galactic ocean and send their stinky invisible bubbles across the universe. Well, the researchers said it better than that, but I got the gist of it. [NEW SCIENTIST]

* A major in-your-face anti-gay fundamentalist pastor was at a childrens’ playground recently. In a van. Off to the side where he thought nobody could see him. Three guesses what happened next. [NOLA]

* Aliens are among us! Aliens are among us! And they look like… tapeworms? Ew. [DISCOVERY]

* Helium is almost gone! No more funny voices! No more giant balloons that float away! Oh, and some fairly serious scientific equipment won’t work either. So what’s the closest source of helium? The moon! Hey, it looks like we might have a good reason to go back into space after all! [ECONOMIST]

* Want to send a message to Voyager 1? It now takes a radio wave traveling (pretty darn close to) the speed of light 16 hours to get there! This sucker is 17 billion kilometers from earth, it’s still working great, and I can’t get a car back on Earth that doesn’t need a major “zero the bank account” tune up every three years. Go figure. [BBC.CO.UK]

* In really bad news for stoners, a recent scientific study says cannabis may influence the onset of psychosis. Apparently the walls aren’t the only things melting. Harsh. [SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN]

* So if you traveled back in time and killed yourself as a kid, what would happen? Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider are actually going to find out when they send a particle back in time to kill itself! Earth-explodey hijinks may ensue. Stay tuned! [DISCOVERY]

** Actually posted late late Sunday because I had a fug week followed by a awesome weekend. Yin/Yang at its’ finest.