A reminder on how Facebook made their billions

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With the easy-to-scan timeline now in place for every user, and the packaging of the terabytes of freely-provided user data to companies eager to advertise to a wired audience, Facebook is having a grand old time right now.

I think there’s one little problem, though. Once corporations realize they’re just leasing the data on Facebook and not owning the data on Facebook, things will go downhill pretty quickly.

Let me give an example…

Let’s say there’s two competitor pizza chains, Road Runner Pizza and Coyote Pizza. Both pizza chains get to pull relevant user information from Facebook if they choose to advertise with them. Each company will get user’s ages, demographics, locations, weekend activities… everything freely posted by individuals to update their friends and to help corporate America make better targeted ads. Each pizza company will get to post their customized ads in the targeted demographic’s timelines and harvest any trending information that will help their pizza business succeed.

Here’s the boulder-in-the-face moment… let’s say a little ways down the road, Coyote Pizza drops their Facebook advertising for some reason or other.

Coyote Pizza’s data, all of their research, all of their demographic targeting, all of their strategies, all of their previous advertising positions, all of their activities done through and by Facebook, are STILL the property of Facebook.

Data which Facebook can now sell to Roadrunner Pizza since Coyote Pizza is no longer in the game.

Facebook made their billions by selling data. Not by selling physical products. Not by setting up free social meeting places. DATA. That’s their plan, plain and simple. Sell the data to whoever will pay for it. Why should Facebook treat corporate data any different from an individual’s data?

This boulder-in-the-face moment may take a little time to hit companies who are eagerly jumping on the Facebook bandwagon right now with giant $970 million dollar signs in their eyes, but when it does, I expect a serious “you tricked us!” backlash against Facebook.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Facebook will respect corporate information better than they do individual information and keep a balanced campaign for competing companies despite their overlapping demographic interests. Or maybe Facebook will happily take a blank check in trade for a few year’s of a company’s targeted strategies and tactics that another advertiser is interested in.

It should be interesting either way.

10 things RIM can do to survive Apple’s assault on the Playbook

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News that Apple is “likely to begin production of 7.85-inch iPads in 3Q12” hit the web today, and it’s seriously bad news for RIM and their recently re-vitalized Playbook tablets. 7″ iPads from Apple? Hey RIM, in case you didn’t see the subtle signs before, today marks an official countdown for you guys. Apple has noticed your little sub-tablet niche and is coming after it. Hard.

So what can RIM do to survive a direct assault from Apple?

1. Like I mentioned before, I think RIM can still make up for lost time by aggressively flooding the market with cheap tablets in the $150-$200 range. Send demo units to teachers, city employees and legal teams. Emphasize the very low cost to get in the door and target companies that can benefit from tablet-based connectivity at a 2-for-1 budget over the iPad.

2. Focus on the growing “I just don’t use my iPad” crowd. There’s a surprising number of iPad owners who just don’t use their iPad because it isn’t what they wanted (or thought it would be). Show the world that the Playbook is what they needed all along. SHOW you can really use office (Word, Excel and Powerpoint) on a Playbook. SHOW how great the web is with a flash enabled browser on a Playbook. SHOW the new OS on the Playbook has everything (Email, Contact List, Embedded Twitter integration, etc). SHOW that the Playbook is available now in a “2.0” form. And SHOW the Playbook is cheaper than most video game systems!

3. Offer a generous unconditional lifetime replacement guarantee. Amazon does this with their Kindle lineup, and as a direct result, people will take their kindle with them to places they would never take their iPad. Think of the sales pitch… “You can spend $200 on a superior product with a lifetime warranty that you can use every day with confidence, or you can spend $400 on a piece of glass with no warranty.”

4. Make the “cloud” part of OS 2.1. Make a system-embedded option where documents, music, etc are all backed up to DROPBOX, or SKYDRIVE or whatever online service a user wants.

5. Get iTunes sync for music and videos. There’s already apps on AppWorld called ItunesSync and ItunesVideoSync that do this. Buy those apps out, integrate the apps into the system, and promote that feature on the Playbook. Make it so that everything in iTunes on a PC (or Mac) can be pulled over to the Playbook with two clicks. Instant ROI / happy customers.

6. Quit the feud with Netflix. Make nice and get them on board. Or go say hello to Amazon! Or Redbox! Get Hollywood on the Playbook’s HD screen and get access to a resource that has a established cross-platform movie and music library. (On a related note, get rid of 7digital. They’re NOT consumer friendly and their web-storefront is outright hostile.)

7. Allow in-app purchases directly to a developer’s website. Advertise online and in tech mags that RIM Playbooks not only allows for any and all in-app purchases, but does NOT take a cut of in-app sales like Apple does. Use this passive monetary incentive to get developers to come around of their own free will.

8. Constantly check the top 20 in the APP store in iTunes and call the developers of those apps. Always make them an offer to come over with a free Playbook to test their apps on. Also go after the Apple developers and the apps that were kicked off Apple’s app store and offer them sanctuary on the Playbook/RIM side.

9. Push multimedia. Buy (or write) a iMovie knockoff and emphasize how easy it is to make movies on the Playbook. Get with HP and buy (or copy) their touchscreen photo editor app. Make the Playbook the tablet/camera/live editing hardware the iPad looks ridiculous trying to be.

10. Allow exploits. Hear me out on this one… if you allow for a Playbook equivalent of Cydia, and let tech-savvy users root the Playbook, you WILL see sales of the Playbook skyrocket. As a by-product of this, support for the Playbook will be more grassroots-based, and the Playbook’s reputation as a “real” tablet will grow exponentially almost overnight.

People love the underdog in a fight. The “we try harder” motto worked for Hertz for a long time, and going against a juggernaut like Apple, in any situation, is definitely a big-time underdog situation.

I think RIM can not only survive, but prosper if they play their cards right. I guess we will all see around 4Q 2012 if that’s true or not.

A few comments on the RIM Playbook 2.0 OS update

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Just a few comments on the new RIM Playbook 2.0 (2.0.0.7971) OS that was released today.

  • The reboot after the update takes anywhere from 5-15 minutes. Don’t panic! Just let the startup screen with the blooming lights (or whatever they’re called) do their thing. The new desktop will eventually appear.
  • The OS seems faster and more responsive.
  • The update is big. Here’s two screenshots of the update process…
Playbook update 1

Playbook update 1

PlayBook 2

PlayBook 2

 

  • …and a screenshot of the new desktop!

 

Playbook 3

Playbook 3

 

  • You can create folders by dragging and dropping icons on top of each other.
  • The Messages app (Email) is pretty good. It looks and acts like Mail on the iPad with the column/pane layout, but you also get formatting, font and alignment choices, and sorting by tag and priority. It feels like a mini Outlook.
  • When you get a new message, the red light on the top of the Playbook blinks. Nice! (You can turn this off by going to the OPTIONS gear on the upper right of the main screen, and then choosing what you like under SOUNDS & NOTIFICATIONS)
  • You can’t email a photo from inside the Pictures app. You CAN email photos from within the Messages (email) app. Just go to the paperclip attachment icon when composing a new message and choose the PICTURES tab. (You can also email anything in the Video, Music and Documents directory.)
  • App world has a LOT more apps to choose from. Brace yourself.

Overall, I’m highly impressed with this update. If this was the embedded system that launched with the Playbook, Apple might have had a very serious problem on their hands.

I think RIM can still make up for lost time by aggressively flooding the market with cheap tablets in the $150-$200 range. Emphasize the very low cost to get in the door. Target service industries, city employees, the court systems and school districts with tight budgets . Anywhere that a large, typically under-appreciated workforce would benefit from tablet-based connectivity at a 2-for-1 budget over the iPad. Embed Word, Excel, Powerpoint and Acrobat in every system, and emphasize the browser is just like any PC’s desktop browser (IE: Flash!).

Advertising-wise, I would hype the smaller size and easier portability of the playbook, and tag team with Hollywood on the Playbook’s HD screen. (Sorry, Apple fans. Watching a HD movie on a Playbook VS. an iPad 2 screen isn’t even close.) Maybe embed some free movies on there, or team up with Netflix or Redbox. On the flip side of that, I would buy (or write) a iMovie knockoff and emphasize how easy it is to make movies on the Playbook. Make a contest where the best movie shot and edited on a Playbook gets a big prize.

Whatever RIM is planning, if I was in charge, I would move quick on this new system’s features. All Apple has to do is release an iPad that’s similar in size and screen quality as the Playbook (even if it is $50-$75 over the Playbook price point) and that will be it for RIM.

A EULA for our own address books

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If you haven’t heard by now, the iPhone apps PATH and HIPSTER have been copying every individual’s address book on every iPhone and iPad to their own company servers. I can’t imagine what they’re going to do with all that stolen information, but I’m personally furious these scumbags got away with it.

I don’t know of any way to block theft like this on a non-jailbroken iOS, but maybe putting up a digital equivalent of a “no trespassing” sign will keep future apps from trying something like this.

Tonight, I made a EULA for my own address book and contact list.

The first thing I did was go on my iPhone to SETTINGS, GENERAL, and ABOUT.

In the ABOUT page, I wrote down the NAME of my iPhone on the top of the page (REiPhone).

I then went to the bottom of the ABOUT page and copied my Serial Number for my iPhone (12345ABCD)

Then I went to Rocket Lawyer and threw together a custom EULA with my information.

To make this your own EULA, copy, paste and replace everything in a RED BOLD FONT. Specifically, you’ll need to replace…

1. REiPhone – serial 12345ABCD with your own iPhone’s name and serial number
2. REiPhone with your own iPhone’s name
3. TEXAS with the name of your State

—–

IPHONE CONTACT INFORMATION END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
The contact database and address book content and information on REiPhone – serial 12345ABCD (“the Software Product”) and accompanying documentation is licensed and NOT sold or intended for sale. This Software Product is protected by copyright laws and treaties, as well as laws and treaties related to other forms of intellectual property. REiPhone or its subsidiaries, affiliates, and suppliers (collectively “REiPhone“) own intellectual property rights in the Software Product. The Licensee’s (“you” or “your”) license to download, use, copy, or change the Software Product is subject to these rights and to all the terms and conditions of this End User License Agreement (“Agreement”).
Acceptance
YOU ACCEPT AND AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT BY INSTALLING, USING, OR COPYING THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO ALL OF THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, YOU MUST NOT INSTALL, USE, OR COPY THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT.
License Grant
This Agreement expressly forbids you from installing and/or using any copy of the Software Product. In addition, you may not make any archival copies of the Software Product. The Software Product may not be on any storage medium of any type for any duration, and may not be used as a condition for the installation of any of Licensee’s product or any material provided from the Licensee. This Agreement does not permit the installation or use of multiple copies of the Software Product, or the installation of the Software Product on any computer other than the original REiPhone at any given time, or on any system that allows shared use of applications, on a multi-user network, or on any configuration or system of computers that allows multiple users. Multiple copy use or installation of the Software Product is not allowed under any circumstances.
Restrictions on Transfer
Without first obtaining the express written consent of REiPhone, you may not assign your rights and obligations under this Agreement, or redistribute, encumber, sell, rent, lease, sublicense, or otherwise transfer your rights to the Software Product.
Restrictions on Use
You may not use, copy, or install the Software Product on any system, or permit the use, copying, or installation of the Software Product on any computer. You may not use, copy, or install the Software Product on any system with identical systems as REiPhone or permit the use, copying, or installation by any user, or on any computer other than REiPhone. You may not decompile, “reverse-engineer”, disassemble, or otherwise attempt to derive the source code and components for the Software Product. You may not use the database portion of the Software Product whatsoever.
Restrictions on Alteration
You may not modify the Software Product or create any derivative work of the Software Product or its accompanying information. Derivative works include but are not limited to translations. You may not alter any files or libraries in any portion of the Software Product. You may not reproduce the database portion or create any tables or reports relating to the database portion.
Restrictions on Copying
You may not copy any part of the Software Product. You may not make any archival copies to be stored on any medium other than the drive physically installed on REiPhone.
Disclaimer of Warranties and Limitation of Liability
UNLESS OTHERWISE EXPLICITLY AGREED TO IN WRITING BY REIPHONE, REIPHONE MAKES NO OTHER WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, IN FACT OR IN LAW, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE OTHER THAN AS SET FORTH IN THIS AGREEMENT OR IN THE LIMITED WARRANTY DOCUMENTS PROVIDED WITH THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT.
REiPhone makes no warranty that the Software Product will meet your requirements or operate under your specific conditions of use. REiPhone makes no warranty that operation of the Software Product will be secure, error free, or free from interruption. YOU MUST DETERMINE WHETHER THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT SUFFICIENTLY MEETS YOUR REQUIREMENTS FOR SECURITY AND UNINTERRUPTABILITY. YOU BEAR SOLE RESPONSIBILITY AND ALL LIABILITY FOR ANY LOSS INCURRED DUE TO FAILURE OF THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT TO MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS. REIPHONE WILL NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BE RESPONSIBLE OR LIABLE FOR THE LOSS OF DATA ON ANY COMPUTER OR INFORMATION STORAGE DEVICE.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL REIPHONE, ITS DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, EMPLOYEES OR AGENTS BE LIABLE TO YOU OR ANY OTHER PARTY FOR INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, PUNITIVE, OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES OF ANY KIND (INCLUDING LOST REVENUES OR PROFITS OR LOSS OF BUSINESS) RESULTING FROM THIS AGREEMENT, OR FROM THE FURNISHING, PERFORMANCE, INSTALLATION, OR USE OF THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT, WHETHER DUE TO A BREACH OF CONTRACT, BREACH OF WARRANTY, OR THE NEGLIGENCE OF REIPHONE OR ANY OTHER PARTY, EVEN IF REIPHONE IS ADVISED BEFOREHAND OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. TO THE EXTENT THAT THE APPLICABLE JURISDICTION LIMITS REIPHONE‘S ABILITY TO DISCLAIM ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES, THIS DISCLAIMER SHALL BE EFFECTIVE TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED.
Limitation of Remedies and Damages
There is no remedy for a breach of this Agreement or of any warranty included in this Agreement. REiPhone reserves the right to deny access to the information on REiPhone, as well as deny any form of replacement and/or remedy. All limited warranties on the Software Product are granted only to you and are non-transferable. You agree to indemnify and hold REiPhone harmless from all claims, judgments, liabilities, expenses, or costs arising from your breach of this Agreement and/or acts or omissions.
Governing Law, Jurisdiction and Costs
This Agreement is governed by the laws of Texas, without regard to Texas’s conflict or choice of law provisions.
Severability
If any provision of this Agreement shall be held to be invalid or unenforceable, the remainder of this Agreement shall remain in full force and effect. To the extent any express or implied restrictions are not permitted by applicable laws, these express or implied restrictions shall remain in force and effect to the maximum extent permitted by such applicable laws.

—–

After copying and pasting the EULA into your favorite text editor and making the substitutions, mail a copy to your iPhone.

Once it arrives, drag-copy over the entire body of the EULA and COPY.

Now go to CONTACTS and create a NEW CONTACT

Type for the First Name : IPHONE CONTACT INFORMATION EULA

Type for the Last Name : *AAA

Now tap on the ADD FIELD button at the bottom of the NEW CONTACT window and choose NOTES.

When the NOTES field appears, PASTE in the EULA and save the contact.

Now the first contact in your address book will be your own EULA. When you click on the contact for more information, you can scroll through the legalese even though only a few lines appear at first.

This might be as effective as throwing a match in the ocean right now, and I’m honestly not sure how effective this would be against a professional corporate rottweiler of an attorney, but maybe if another app steals my contact information and sees this EULA, the scumbag app’s legal department will pounce on the developers and demand my contact database be deleted out of “an abundance of caution”.

I have a feeling once a member of congress gets their private address book posted on a public forum, real Federal legislation will pass in that makes data theft an interstate felony punishable by some “bankrupt the company and their owners” kinds of fines. For now, I would settle for Apple kicking developers like this out of the App store and ban them from ever coding for iOS again. (Hey, I can dream!)

RIM’s Blackberry Playbook WiFi dropping? Here’s the fix until Feb ’12

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Looong story short, if you have a RIM BlackBerry PlayBook and your WiFi connection keeps dropping…

  1. Switch the WiFi routers you connect to (and that are under your control) to 802.11g (no B or N), and set the security to a WPA2 \ AES combo (Don’t choose TKIP!).
  2. On the PlayBook go to WIFI settings (under the drop-down GEAR icon)
  3. In the WIFI settings, next to the SELECT A NETWORK, click the pop-up and go down to SAVED NETWORKS.
  4. In the SAVED NETWORKS list, click on the Pencil icon and hit the trash can icon (DELETE) every saved network you have.
  5. Turn OFF the WIFI by moving the slider button to OFF
  6. Now hold down the power button on top of the PlayBook until the black “POWERING OFF” icon appears (keep holding it past the three-color TURN OFF, STANDBY and RESTART buttons and let the PlayBook turn off by itself.)
  7. Once the PlayBook is off, let it sit for 60 seconds.
  8. Turn on the playbook and re-connect to the network you tweaked in step one.

The PlayBook won’t drop one bit of data from then on!

A little inside scoop I got today told me that Blackberry Playbooks are “really finicky” about their network connections, and even though this workaround is rock solid, “a Playbook update in February (2012) will take care of ALL of the WiFi connection problems”.

I’m glad RIM realized not all WiFi networks are 802.11g / AES.  WiFi that doesn’t drop is a absolute must if you want to be a contender.

#OccupyMonopoly game rules

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Here’s the semi-official #OccupyMonopoly game rules. Apply at your own peril.

When one player has over three complete property “sets” (EX: Boardwalk and Park Place, Mediterranean and Baltic Avenue, etc.), they are designated as “the 1%”. All other players become “the 99%.”

Any member of the 99% may build temporary houses on any of the 1%’s property without the 1%’s permission.

Building a temporary house costs 1/2 a normal home’s construction cost for that space, and the token must be placed upside down on the game board beside any of the 1%’s existing structures.

Rent fees for any player landing on an “occupied” space is 1/2 the standard rate while the 99% is occupying a 1%’s space.

The 1% may only remove/evict one of the 99%’s homes on their property in any one of three ways : #1 when their own token passes GO and they collect $200 #2 if they pay $400 to the bank to forcibly evict one 99% structure or #3: if a 99% will trade a structure to get out of jail. (see next rule)

When a 99% player who has built a structure on a 1% property lands on or passes the “jail/just visiting” combo space, they must roll the dice a second time. A 6 or less means they have been arrested and MUST go to jail. (A 7 or higher means they can move on.) A 99% player must remain in jail for a number of turns based on a single dice roll by the 1% player. (EX: If the 1% player rolls a 5, the 99% player must stay in jail for 5 turns). However a 99% player may completely bypass jail time if they remove their own structure from a 1% property.

Play continues until the 1% surrenders their monopoly, the 99% are all jailed at the same time, or the players all quit and play another game.

How to tell if an iPhone / iPad App is going to take too much time to enjoy

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I’ve found a surprisingly easy way to tell if an app from iTunes for the iPhone or iPad is going to take too much time to play and won’t be any fun. Just check out the “Top In-App Purchases” levels. If the top tier is over $10, you’re not going to enjoy playing that game if you have a full-time 8 AM to 5 PM kind of job.

Take, for example, EA’s latest offering… Road Trippin’!

Looking at the app listing in iTunes, everything seems all Smurfy-Happy-Blue on top.

 

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit A

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit A

 

But if you look off to the left column, under the FREE APP button (or DOWNLOAD button if you’ve already grabbed the app before), there’s a section called “Top In-App Purchases”.

So looking at Road Trippin’s! top offering, I see to play the game with “everything”, I would need to spend…

 

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit B

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit B

 

..$99.99!

$99 dollars and 99 cents. Almost half the price of a console system! Just so I can play with “everything” this “free” game offers.

You don’t have to be in iTunes to see this. You can also find this info under the iPhone and iPad section of the game app by clicking on the “Top In-App Purchases” banner….

 

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit C

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit C

 

…where you will see the same $99.99 foolishness.

 

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit D

How to Tell an App isn't going to be fun - Exhibit D

 

“In-App Purchases” are just things you can buy while playing the game to move along faster, or just get those missing “propeller-for-the-damn-airplane” kinds of parts and those oh-so special “air-strike to get that pickle-faced rat bastich sniper that’s been nailing me for the last three days” kinds of options.

Do you need to make in-app purchases? No. You can slog through the game, playing hours and hours and hours and hours on end just to nickel and dime your way to nirvana. No more “sneaking-a-game-on-the-freeway”. No more hanging up on someone just because a pop-up from the game appeared.

But, in my experience, playing games like this take months to “win”.

The wheeeeeee-fun part ends around day 12. The Spirit of Piss, Vinegar and Vengeance kicks in around day 21.

The more iOS games I play like this, the more I realize most of the “In-App Purchase” games are basing themselves on the good old Las Vegas slot machine business model.

  1. Put some money in the system.
  2. Push some buttons.
  3. Watch the beep-boop flashing lights.
  4. Your money is gone!
  5. Repeat Step One.

When a game company has priced the top-tier of their In-App Purchases insanely high, in my opinion, they’ve made the game overly hard and time consuming on purpose to get you hooked and make a grab for your money.

I’ll stick to the games without the in-app purchases banner. If a game does have in-app purchases, I’ll only install it on my device if the top tier is $10 or less (or to unlock the full-version of the game).

Like the old Vegas motto says… the easiest way to win these $100 games is not to play ’em.

Surprise cat calming secret

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So long story short, my gorgeous wife and I have been adopted by two cats. They’re charming and pretty as any of those storybook kitties, and we really are quite fond of them. The problem is that they’re brothers. Most of the time, they’re fine together. Peas in a Pod. Steak and Potatoes. Dairy and Queen. You get the idea.

But then, every so often, there’s a massive tremor in the force, and you can practically hear the “LEEEEEEETS GET READY TO RUUUUMMMBBLLLEEEEE” announcement.

The fight is ON, and they go At. It. Hard.

The dogs said to just kick both of their asses over the fence and be done with it, but I decided to look at a pet store and see if there was anything that could calm them down when they’re together.

Typical Cat Book

Typical Cat Book

 

Looking in the “holy crap how much is this?!?” isle of the pet store, I found this little green bottle. “Calm Down. Calms nerves and stressed cats.” it said right on the front. Sounds good, I thought!

 

Calm down Front

Calm down Front

 

So I flipped the bottle around to see what the magic ingredients were. Let’s see… Llex de Luthor… no, wait, it says in English off to the side “English Holly”. No idea. “Impatiens”. No idea. “Rock Rose”. No idea. “Star of Bethlehem”. That’s a med? Freaky. Aaaaannnd finally…..

 

Calm Down Back

Calm Down Back

 

Sweet Baby Buddha! Alcohol?!? 13% ALCOHOL?!?

Oh yeah! This is just effin’ PERFECT! Give the fighting cats some hooch! Slamming liquor always makes people calm down and talk out their problems!

Here’s what I see going down : Mr. Tinkles* puts the pimpalicious “where-my-money-at?” smack down on his brother when he’s drunk on this stuff. Eventually, he becomes a category 4P cat : Pickled, Purring, Pissy, and Punchy! Before he knows it, he’s on his back most of the day and night, giving full belly rubs to complete strangers for money to buy hooch! One day, the bitter irony of chugging MAD DOG 20/20 finally hits him like a ton of kitty litter. The formerly happy housecat finally joins the local chapter of HAAACK. (Hairball And Alcoholics Anonymous’ Cat Kingdom).

“Hello. I’m Mr. Tinkles.* And I’m an alcoholic.”

Sad times, indeed.

Plus, that little bottle was something like $20. (That’s probably the main reason I put it back come to think of it.) After all, a bottle of Jack is still around $15, right? I gotta save money where I can in this economy!

—

* NOTE : My cat’s name is NOT “Mr. Tinkles”. Just wanted to point that out for the record.

** NOTE #2 : No, I’m not going to give any of our cats Jack Daniels. That’s still too expensive. I just wanted to point that out for the record as well.

Don’t forget FEMA’s National Emergency Broadcast Test is Wed 11/09

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I posted this before, but I thought it deserved its’ own standalone space.

FEMA announced they are going to have a nationwide simultaneous TV and Radio Emergency Broadcast test tomorrow (November the 9th) at 2 PM Eastern time.

This isn’t going to be a normal one-TV-station test where you can change the channel and something else is on another station. Every TV and radio station will have that screech alarm until the test is complete.

So don’t panic tomorrow when the TV and radio stations all have a FEMA EMERGENCY ALERT screen and that annoying screech!

Here’s the government website with info about it…

http://www.fema.gov/eastest/

News stories the mainstream media missed : 11/05/11**

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Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* “A prominent UN agency has issued a warning that the globe is hurtling toward a long recession, a 40 million worldwide job shortage and an increase in large scale social unrest.” HA! Put that in your sandbox and dig it, you positive, good for nothing optimists!! Now excuse me while I go start to dig a large hole for myself in my backyard and fill it with canned beans and… whatever other stuff I might need to survive the apocalypse! I do own a shovel, right? Major freakout story at [PRISON PLANET] and a more socially acceptable freakout at [BLOOMBERG]

* There’s some great news for future horror movie plots this week! Scientific geniuses have figured out how to rejuvenate itty bitty mice cells and make them younger!! This is fantastic news… but, of course, there’s a catch. From what I understand, human cells can only divide so many times before they start to nosedive. This nosedive either means other nearby healthy cells get all funkified, or even worse, the CANCER part of CANCER SUCKS shows up. The “rejuvenation” these scientists have found is to kill cells before they reach the “use by” date. Wasn’t that “I Am Legend” movie based on a cancer cure gone bonkers wrong? Story at the [ECONOMIST] and again at [BBC] and a more “fweeeeeeee…. over my head” explanation at [DUR.AC.UK]

* Apparently that little discovery wasn’t major enough, as some other scientists went and made photons into paranoid schizophrenics! (Because we need to support the therapy industry with thousands of chargeless particles, dammit!) Long story short, it’s now possible to make a photon think it’s actually a crowd of photons! Oh, and it’s all about Quantum Mechanics, so leave your reality at the door, please. Story at [ARS TECHNIA]

* This just in! Black holes in outer space look nothing like whirlpools in a dirty-water sink! The Hubble Telecsope grabbed a pic of a black hole a long time ago in the center of another galaxy far far away. Pew-pew lasers and whoosh-by sound effects not included. Story at [PHYSORG]

* The saying “stop and smell the roses” leaves out those damn, dirty trees for a reason! Apparently there’s a tree out there that can cause instant migraines if you sniff it! OK, who was so damn bored they went from tree to tree to tree and sniffed every one for an effect? Geez! Anyhow, I betcha every blade of un-mowed grass in my yard that the military is going to weaponize this shrubbery by the end of the year. News at [SCIENCE NEWS]

* On a semi-serious note, the geniuses at FEMA are going to sound the AHHHHHH-OOOOOOO-GAHHHHHHH red alert nationwide test of the Emergency Broadcast System on November 9th at 2 PM Eastern Time. Yeah. Nationwide. Some people are gonna’ be freaked-the-nutty-fudge out when every TV channel and every radio station in the country is going AHHHHHH-OOOOOOO-GAHHHHHHH for 30+ seconds. Sooooo for the grand prize and a copy of the home game, the big final question is… why the test? Details at [FEMA].

* The CIA is watching everything we Tweet and Facebook? Not surprising. That they have agents called “ninja librarians” to do this? “Ninja Librarians”?! That’s! Freaking! Hilarious! What, do they say SHHHH before they fling a throwing-star at you? I have a feeling these “ninja librarians” got about 200 pounds more “doughnut-muscle” than the 6′ 11″ field agents who do the daily “excuse me, but does this rag smell like chloroform to you?” kind of work at the agency. And with that little snap, I bet I’m on their list. HI GUYS!!! YOU HIRING?! CALL ME!! SHHHH!! Story at [AP]

That’s all I got this week! Now I’m off to watch me some TIVO-ed Walking Dead and grab a cigar!

** Actually posted on 11/06 because doin’ nuthin’ on Saturday felt goooooood.