Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* I’m going to start this post with a major “wait, WHAT?” article. Tokyo Electric power, those guys that are responsible for the “OK maybe you should stand a little further back after all” nuclear power plants in Japan? They intend to build a new nuclear plant in the south Texas gulf area. As an extra special bonus, “President Obama has stated that the Fukushima disaster has not altered his plans to expand nuclear power in the United States.” Glow in the dark fish with your oil spill fries anybody? [YAHOO] and [CHRON] and [WONKETTE]

* A BACON OF THE MONTH CLUB?!?!? SWEET BABY BUDDHA WHERE DO I SIGN UP? [URBAN DADDY]

* Did you see the latest episode of WWFF (Wide World of Fast Food) SMACKDOWN? Subway “MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY” Sandwich ran up behind Ronald “GOLDEN ARCHES OF AMERICAN JUSTICE” with a 6″ wheat sandwich and knocked him out! Then took the crown right off his head!!! [HUFFINGTON POST]

* Stacked on top of the “can they do that” pile, the US has been sending those highly expensive Predator-spy drones into Mexico to track drug dealers for the last few months. Maybe with the Mexican government’s permission. Maaaaybe not! Ahhh what’s some questionably legal tactics among friendly countries anyhow? [BBC.CO.UK]

* Here’s the Trivia Question of the month. What do you call those black metal things with the sliding parts you see on the floor of shoe departments that can measure your foot? They’re a “Brannock Device”! The story behind them and the man’s struggle to retain copyright on them in the [WSJ].

* How deep in the financial rabbit hole is the US? As of February, $223 billion. That’s the largest one-month shortfall in history of ever ever ever. [DAILYMAIL]

* As anybody who has a computer knows, there’s a humongous difference between shutting something down and restarting it. Obama apparently needs some help in the shut down / restart department because he recently decided to restart the Guantanamo Bay Trials. As in, not shut them down. Like he said he would. [HUFFINGTON POST] My favorite part about the new and improved restart? “Some detainees were so dangerous they must be held without charge”. [NY TIMES] But wait! There’s more! That cruel and inhumane treatment of prisoners? Still going on under Obama, but thanks for voting anyhow! [HARPERS]

* The US defense secretary says the “US troops could stay in Afghanistan in a training role beyond the planned 2014 withdrawal.” Not surprisingly, this little tidbit was only covered in an overseas news article. As Gomer Pyle would say, SUHPRIZE! SUHPRIZE! SUHPRIZE! [AL JAZEERA]

* Insult? Injury. Injury? Insult. This month, the House voted down a bill that demanded a full Afghanistan troop withdrawal 93 to 321. The way I see it, that’s 321 warmongering idiots that must be voted out of office if we really want change to happen. [THE HILL]

* In the “sprinkles on top” department, the cost of living in the US has hit a record high, “passing pre economic crisis levels for the first time.” Wheeeeeee!! [DAILYMAIL.CO.UK]

* OK Hollywood, here’s your movie idea of the week. Scientists just found pieces of our DNA that don’t belong to anything. As in no organism that has ever existed. Sooooo where did this mystery DNA chunks that’s in of all of us come from? DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!! Hey, if Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus got made, I’ve got a chance with my crap ideas too! [NEW SCIENTIST]

* Scientists have just found out that black holes like to fart in the galactic ocean and send their stinky invisible bubbles across the universe. Well, the researchers said it better than that, but I got the gist of it. [NEW SCIENTIST]

* A major in-your-face anti-gay fundamentalist pastor was at a childrens’ playground recently. In a van. Off to the side where he thought nobody could see him. Three guesses what happened next. [NOLA]

* Aliens are among us! Aliens are among us! And they look like… tapeworms? Ew. [DISCOVERY]

* Helium is almost gone! No more funny voices! No more giant balloons that float away! Oh, and some fairly serious scientific equipment won’t work either. So what’s the closest source of helium? The moon! Hey, it looks like we might have a good reason to go back into space after all! [ECONOMIST]

* Want to send a message to Voyager 1? It now takes a radio wave traveling (pretty darn close to) the speed of light 16 hours to get there! This sucker is 17 billion kilometers from earth, it’s still working great, and I can’t get a car back on Earth that doesn’t need a major “zero the bank account” tune up every three years. Go figure. [BBC.CO.UK]

* In really bad news for stoners, a recent scientific study says cannabis may influence the onset of psychosis. Apparently the walls aren’t the only things melting. Harsh. [SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN]

* So if you traveled back in time and killed yourself as a kid, what would happen? Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider are actually going to find out when they send a particle back in time to kill itself! Earth-explodey hijinks may ensue. Stay tuned! [DISCOVERY]

** Actually posted late late Sunday because I had a fug week followed by a awesome weekend. Yin/Yang at its’ finest.

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* I’m going to start off with the news equivalent of a WHAAAAPISSSHH!!! The USDA said this week that over 44 million Americans are now on food stamps, up significantly from 39 million people in 2009. So how many people is 44 million? Check out this chart I made…

44 million is the ENTIRE population of Alabama (4,600,000), Colorado (4,900,000), Minnesota (5,200,000), Oregon (3,800,000), ARIZONA (6,400,000), WINCONSIN (5,600,000), NEVADA (2,600,000), LOUISIANA (4,300,000), Kansas (2,800,000),  Mississippi (2,900,000) and MOST of Montanna (482,324 out of 989,415 = 89,415 not on food stamps). Dude. Not funny at all. [USDA] [WIKIPEDIA (population info)]

* New flash! The first two years of college don’t make students any more literate or career ready! Apparently there’s too much sex, booze and “other distractions” going on! Is the AH-DERRRRR file full, because this article needs to get stuffed in there. [TIME]

* Using the “full speed reverse” strategy, the federal government has decided to whack the “Teach for America” program. Ah who needs teachers to teach? Just give them kids a laptop and learn ’em to type GOOGLE.COM and that should be all they need! Right? Right? [ECONOMIST]

* Did the Chinese and assorted Jihadists try to bankrupt America with their covert computer eleven-toed master ninja skills? Definitely maybe, according to the Pentagon. [DAILYMAIL.CO.UK]

* Going galactic for a moment, the Sun apparently hasn’t been acting right lately. Specifically, it hasn’t been having enough flare ups. I say we launch a giant tube of anti-preparation-h at the sucker and we should be good. [SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN]

* Scientists this week found a small planet that’s hotter than some stars. Drat. Add this to the long list of planets we can’t land on. Oh, wait, we still can’t land on ANY OTHER PLANETS YET!! Dammit to hell. [NEW SCIENTIST]

* Scientists this week also found a black hole that’s far bigger than the distance from our Sun to the outer orbit of Pluto. Check out the illustration below…

Pardon my French, but fucking fuck fuckity fuuuuuuck fuckaroo, that’s some seriously major shit there. I seriously see the need to “pop” a black hole as something our great grandchildren will need to come up with. Not kidding. [CRUMILLER] and [NEW SCIENTIST]

* OK. Still not kidding, I know how to wipe out the Earth. With zombies. Just tweak this newfound fungus that makes zombies out of ants, make it work on humans, drop it somewhere populated and WHAMMO. Zombieland! Now where’s my secret giant volcano island headquarters? [HUFFINGTON POST]

* Want some radioactive water to drink? Just get a shot from your local Pennsylvania tap! Free superpowers and it’s all legal? There’s got to be a catch somewhere! [NEW YORK TIMES]

* I think I’ll close this week with another WHAAAAPISSSHH!!! You know how the Federal government is gonna shut down Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Or was that Freddie Mercury and Fannie Brice? Anyhow, without whoever those loan giants were, there’s going to be some, ah, small side effects when they’re gone. 30-Year mortgages will be no more – only 15 year loans or less. Interest rates will sharply rise for almost every home buyer. Oh, and lenders will charge hefty fees to “lock in” an interest rate. This is a good idea? This is progress? Hello? Is this blog on? [NY TIMES]