Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

This week is going to be an abbreviated version because I’ve just discovered Gears of War 2 for Xbox 360. (I have a rule I don’t pay more than $30 for any video game and GOW2 just got there.)

Right! Onward!

* If someone said new home sales are in the gutter, that would be an improvement from where they are now. New home sales fell to the lowest on record, which isn’t a good sign for a supposedly recovering economy. [CALCULATED RISK] has some scary and detailed graphics on how ugly this whole thing is, and [USA TODAY] has some pretty graphics on… well, whatever they are advertising this week.

* The first Americans may have been Texans? As in “the oldest human habitation in North America”? As in 15,500 years ago? And they were from AUSTIN? Well, if there’s anyplace in Texas that’s further ahead than the rest of them, Austin would be the city. LONE STAR REP-RE-SENT!!! [CHRON]

* The CIA actually has a troubleshooting checklist? I always thought their only troubleshooting advice was “if they aren’t in range, get closer.” The really scary thing is that this checklist is actually useful! [BBH-LABS]

* AT&T records everything you do on their network, whether you are using their phones or their web services. They then hand everything over to the NSA without any reason whatsoever. Close your eyes! Make a Wish! Count to Three! Come with meee…. and you’ll beee…. in a wooorrrlllld where AT&T is a punk ass government bitch that doesn’t give a fuck about their customers or the constituuuution! Wait, that’s not how their commercial jingle goes! [EFF]

* And finally, a former US marine “ended up on the government’s no-fly list because he exchanged e-mails with a Muslim cleric they were monitoring.” His crime? He asked a question about raising kids in an interfaith household. The marine, completely innocent, was then told by the F.B.I. that they would take him off the list “if he would become an undercover informant at mosques.” WHAT. THE. FUCK. Have the F.ucking B.atshit I.diots handling this case lost their minds? 8-balling a marine? For a crime he didn’t commit? Nice job, guys! How’s that constitutional toilet paper workin’ for you all? [SUNTIMES]

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* I’m going to start this post with a major “wait, WHAT?” article. Tokyo Electric power, those guys that are responsible for the “OK maybe you should stand a little further back after all” nuclear power plants in Japan? They intend to build a new nuclear plant in the south Texas gulf area. As an extra special bonus, “President Obama has stated that the Fukushima disaster has not altered his plans to expand nuclear power in the United States.” Glow in the dark fish with your oil spill fries anybody? [YAHOO] and [CHRON] and [WONKETTE]

* A BACON OF THE MONTH CLUB?!?!? SWEET BABY BUDDHA WHERE DO I SIGN UP? [URBAN DADDY]

* Did you see the latest episode of WWFF (Wide World of Fast Food) SMACKDOWN? Subway “MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY” Sandwich ran up behind Ronald “GOLDEN ARCHES OF AMERICAN JUSTICE” with a 6″ wheat sandwich and knocked him out! Then took the crown right off his head!!! [HUFFINGTON POST]

* Stacked on top of the “can they do that” pile, the US has been sending those highly expensive Predator-spy drones into Mexico to track drug dealers for the last few months. Maybe with the Mexican government’s permission. Maaaaybe not! Ahhh what’s some questionably legal tactics among friendly countries anyhow? [BBC.CO.UK]

* Here’s the Trivia Question of the month. What do you call those black metal things with the sliding parts you see on the floor of shoe departments that can measure your foot? They’re a “Brannock Device”! The story behind them and the man’s struggle to retain copyright on them in the [WSJ].

* How deep in the financial rabbit hole is the US? As of February, $223 billion. That’s the largest one-month shortfall in history of ever ever ever. [DAILYMAIL]

* As anybody who has a computer knows, there’s a humongous difference between shutting something down and restarting it. Obama apparently needs some help in the shut down / restart department because he recently decided to restart the Guantanamo Bay Trials. As in, not shut them down. Like he said he would. [HUFFINGTON POST] My favorite part about the new and improved restart? “Some detainees were so dangerous they must be held without charge”. [NY TIMES] But wait! There’s more! That cruel and inhumane treatment of prisoners? Still going on under Obama, but thanks for voting anyhow! [HARPERS]

* The US defense secretary says the “US troops could stay in Afghanistan in a training role beyond the planned 2014 withdrawal.” Not surprisingly, this little tidbit was only covered in an overseas news article. As Gomer Pyle would say, SUHPRIZE! SUHPRIZE! SUHPRIZE! [AL JAZEERA]

* Insult? Injury. Injury? Insult. This month, the House voted down a bill that demanded a full Afghanistan troop withdrawal 93 to 321. The way I see it, that’s 321 warmongering idiots that must be voted out of office if we really want change to happen. [THE HILL]

* In the “sprinkles on top” department, the cost of living in the US has hit a record high, “passing pre economic crisis levels for the first time.” Wheeeeeee!! [DAILYMAIL.CO.UK]

* OK Hollywood, here’s your movie idea of the week. Scientists just found pieces of our DNA that don’t belong to anything. As in no organism that has ever existed. Sooooo where did this mystery DNA chunks that’s in of all of us come from? DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!! Hey, if Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus got made, I’ve got a chance with my crap ideas too! [NEW SCIENTIST]

* Scientists have just found out that black holes like to fart in the galactic ocean and send their stinky invisible bubbles across the universe. Well, the researchers said it better than that, but I got the gist of it. [NEW SCIENTIST]

* A major in-your-face anti-gay fundamentalist pastor was at a childrens’ playground recently. In a van. Off to the side where he thought nobody could see him. Three guesses what happened next. [NOLA]

* Aliens are among us! Aliens are among us! And they look like… tapeworms? Ew. [DISCOVERY]

* Helium is almost gone! No more funny voices! No more giant balloons that float away! Oh, and some fairly serious scientific equipment won’t work either. So what’s the closest source of helium? The moon! Hey, it looks like we might have a good reason to go back into space after all! [ECONOMIST]

* Want to send a message to Voyager 1? It now takes a radio wave traveling (pretty darn close to) the speed of light 16 hours to get there! This sucker is 17 billion kilometers from earth, it’s still working great, and I can’t get a car back on Earth that doesn’t need a major “zero the bank account” tune up every three years. Go figure. [BBC.CO.UK]

* In really bad news for stoners, a recent scientific study says cannabis may influence the onset of psychosis. Apparently the walls aren’t the only things melting. Harsh. [SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN]

* So if you traveled back in time and killed yourself as a kid, what would happen? Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider are actually going to find out when they send a particle back in time to kill itself! Earth-explodey hijinks may ensue. Stay tuned! [DISCOVERY]

** Actually posted late late Sunday because I had a fug week followed by a awesome weekend. Yin/Yang at its’ finest.

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* I’m going to start off with the news equivalent of a WHAAAAPISSSHH!!! The USDA said this week that over 44 million Americans are now on food stamps, up significantly from 39 million people in 2009. So how many people is 44 million? Check out this chart I made…

44 million is the ENTIRE population of Alabama (4,600,000), Colorado (4,900,000), Minnesota (5,200,000), Oregon (3,800,000), ARIZONA (6,400,000), WINCONSIN (5,600,000), NEVADA (2,600,000), LOUISIANA (4,300,000), Kansas (2,800,000),  Mississippi (2,900,000) and MOST of Montanna (482,324 out of 989,415 = 89,415 not on food stamps). Dude. Not funny at all. [USDA] [WIKIPEDIA (population info)]

* New flash! The first two years of college don’t make students any more literate or career ready! Apparently there’s too much sex, booze and “other distractions” going on! Is the AH-DERRRRR file full, because this article needs to get stuffed in there. [TIME]

* Using the “full speed reverse” strategy, the federal government has decided to whack the “Teach for America” program. Ah who needs teachers to teach? Just give them kids a laptop and learn ’em to type GOOGLE.COM and that should be all they need! Right? Right? [ECONOMIST]

* Did the Chinese and assorted Jihadists try to bankrupt America with their covert computer eleven-toed master ninja skills? Definitely maybe, according to the Pentagon. [DAILYMAIL.CO.UK]

* Going galactic for a moment, the Sun apparently hasn’t been acting right lately. Specifically, it hasn’t been having enough flare ups. I say we launch a giant tube of anti-preparation-h at the sucker and we should be good. [SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN]

* Scientists this week found a small planet that’s hotter than some stars. Drat. Add this to the long list of planets we can’t land on. Oh, wait, we still can’t land on ANY OTHER PLANETS YET!! Dammit to hell. [NEW SCIENTIST]

* Scientists this week also found a black hole that’s far bigger than the distance from our Sun to the outer orbit of Pluto. Check out the illustration below…

Pardon my French, but fucking fuck fuckity fuuuuuuck fuckaroo, that’s some seriously major shit there. I seriously see the need to “pop” a black hole as something our great grandchildren will need to come up with. Not kidding. [CRUMILLER] and [NEW SCIENTIST]

* OK. Still not kidding, I know how to wipe out the Earth. With zombies. Just tweak this newfound fungus that makes zombies out of ants, make it work on humans, drop it somewhere populated and WHAMMO. Zombieland! Now where’s my secret giant volcano island headquarters? [HUFFINGTON POST]

* Want some radioactive water to drink? Just get a shot from your local Pennsylvania tap! Free superpowers and it’s all legal? There’s got to be a catch somewhere! [NEW YORK TIMES]

* I think I’ll close this week with another WHAAAAPISSSHH!!! You know how the Federal government is gonna shut down Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Or was that Freddie Mercury and Fannie Brice? Anyhow, without whoever those loan giants were, there’s going to be some, ah, small side effects when they’re gone. 30-Year mortgages will be no more – only 15 year loans or less. Interest rates will sharply rise for almost every home buyer. Oh, and lenders will charge hefty fees to “lock in” an interest rate. This is a good idea? This is progress? Hello? Is this blog on? [NY TIMES]

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* Here’s the factual part: 100 watt bulbs are soon to be no more, so Hasbro is having to re-design their EZBake oven toy line to accommodate this. Pretty straightforward, right? Well, I expect any moment now the wacko far right brigade to whip something like this out… THOSE LUNATIC ENVIRONMENTALISTS HAVE TAKEN AWAY SUZIES MINI BAKE OVENS!!! COME ON AMERICA!! TAKING CHILDREN’S TOYS? WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?? [UPI]

* It takes thousands of dollars and years of research to come up with the idea that a man’s happiness is based on “how little criticism he gets and how much sex he gets”? OK, is there a Nobel prize for the AH DERRRRRR finding of the year? [HUFFINGTON POST]

* INTERNET FREEDOM BILL IS GOOD COMRADE! HAS PRETTY NAME! DISCONNECT INTERNET TO KEEP BAD PEOPLE AWAY FROM GOOD PEOPLE OF HOMELAND AMERICA! MOVE ALONG NOW GOOD CITIZEN! [CNET]

* And finally, scientists have determined that our universe may have bumped into another one fairly recently. Great. So our insurance rates are going to go up? Look, scientist dudes, kick this “universe size and age” thing to the back burner, and get going on the gravity/warp drive thing! Priorities!! [NEW SCIENTIST]

** Actually published Monday because, once again, my new Kindle ate up my weekend. Damn you Amazon!!!

Royce Store

Today I Learned Royce is a famous Japanese chocolatier company! You know, for years I was the only real holder of the “Royce” title. Then some ninja master starts some fancy fight club thing, and before him there was some car company that rolled with it, and now there’s even a Prince Royce out there! Did I miss a meeting somewhere?

Anyhow, Royce chocolatier makes and sells fun stuff like chocolate potato chips, marshmallow chocolates, coffee bean chocolate (my only kind of chocolate!) and a lot more “normal” chocolate varieties that look pretty awesome.

They’ve got stores in Singapore, China, Malaysia, Thailand and the Philippines so far. Some stores look more “upscale” than others, but it’s still awesome to see that name up on neon/billboard signage.

What really impressed me about the company is their criteria for working on the food production line. It’s much more strict than any kind of food assembly place I’ve seen on the Food Network.

Royce Store #2

“Before entering the production line area, everyone is required to wear a factory uniform and shoes before passing through an air tunnel which removes dust. Adhesive tape rollers are then used to ensure that no dust remains on the clothes. Finally, hands are to be washed and disinfected. No one may proceed to the production line until he has strictly completed this process. ”

Unfortunately they are “not able to ship products outside Japan for individuals” so I’m out of luck for getting a firsthand taste test for now.

So in case any Royce chocolatiers ever drop by this site… 私はあなたのビジネスは常に成功することを望む！!

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.

* One of my favorite things to see is a PR manager for a government agency running at top speed toward an employee who is speaking to a reporter! If you ever see that, you KNOW something is getting out that was never supposed to see the light of day! This week, a California port official was talking with a reporter and said a weapon of mass destruction was found somewhere in California, but not in San Diego. Then a PR manager ran up and said the interview was over and… wait, WHAT!?!?! [DAILYMAIL]

* Speaking of things that will never be spoken of again, apparently the torture-masters in Egypt were trained by the FBI. And unless there’s another agency named FBI somewhere else in the world, that means the United States was responsible for teaching a tyrant how to properly oppress his people. You know, at this point, you might as well vote a straight Sith ticket. Know what I’m talking about here? [TELEGRAPH.CO.UK]

* So there’s apparently a jobless-homeless HEY WE’RE BROKE kind of thing going on in the United States nowadays. To add sprinkles to this, companies that are hiring now have a policy to only hire those people that are currently employed! Apparently those not employed really don’t need jobs, just those that have jobs need jobs. It kind of makes sense after you vigorously bang your head on a solid object for awhile. [YAHOO]

* In another sign of the times, a congressman is actually trying to pass a law where it will be legal to “chemically dissolve [a] body, keep the powdery residue and pour the liquefied remains down the drain” for the deceased. I’m thinking he has a serious zombie phobia he’s trying to nip in the bud. That or he’s needing to up his dosage a gram or two. [FOX NEWS]

* The XM25 Punisher is the newest military high-tech weapon of choice. It’s terrifying. Completely unsafe at close quarters. Ludicrously expensive. Illegal as hell for private citizens to own. And daaaaaaaamn does it work well! [ARMY TIMES]

* Memory loss… wait… I think… no, wait, I just had it… ah! Memory loss can be caused by over the counter drugs! Yeah! That’s the ticket! [HUFFINGTON POST]

* And finally, coffee is about to become much much more expensive. If the price of coffee is going up, are donuts far behind? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!!!!! [CNN]

** Actually published Monday because my new Kindle ate up my weekend. Damn you Amazon!!!