I was out with my gorgeous wife at a local WalMart this last Saturday and I saw this three-hole-punched folder in the school supplies display in the front of the store.
The headline says “What startling shock awaits the Dynamic Duo… and you!!”
Batman is pulling a curtain back, pointing at a woman wearing a skintight costume (or something less). We can’t see who he’s pointing to, but the shadow of the woman is making the “come here” gesture (that or she’s holding something invisible).
Robin is in shock, and says…
“No, Batman! It’s not true… It can’t be!”
“You better believe it, Robin. That’s the way it has to be.”
Check it out…
Dude. Seriously. I’m still laughing.
Here’s the back of the folder. It’s a real product from DC comics.
Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.
* Feeling a little social anxiety? Pop a Tylenol! Seriously! Studies show “acetaminophen relieves social pain”. I really expect to see “Social Strength” Tylenol on the store shelves soon… and probably for $5 more than “regular” Tylenol. [HCP LIVE]
* A personal submarine painted like a shark? That can jump out of the water? I want one! Underwater speakers to play the JAWS soundtrack are apparently sold separately. [NEATORAMA]
* The SEC charged New Jersey with securities fraud. So now the SEC is going to pop states that are misrepresenting their income and assets? This isn’t going to end well. [REUTERS]
* A “double dip” recession seems more possible day after day. I believe this was prophesied by the great philosopher “Freak Nasty” in the epic stanza…
I put my hand upon your hip
When I dip you dip we dip
You put yours and I put mine
And we can get down low
And roll it round
* This week’s winner for the “RED ALERT / RAISE THE SHIELDS” story goes to Yahoo, as they say “the country is headed for rising unemployment, poverty, and violent class warfare as the government efforts to keep the economy going begin to fail.” Violent class warfare? I hope we’re just talking 11th grade vs 12th grade here. [YAHOO]
* The latest proof we’re living in the future? Night vision is coming to cell phones. Personally, I won’t be impressed until they add motion detection and an infrared scanner. [DISCOVERY]
—— GULF OIL SPILL UPDATE STARTS HERE ——
The gulf oil spill isn’t over, no matter what the government says.
* “A study of the effects of the Deepwater Horizon spill has confirmed the presence of a toxic chemical residue one kilometre below the sea surface.” So now the oil is supposedly gone, only this wholesome toxic chemical is left? Frying pan? Fire. Fire? Frying pan. [BBC]
* Leave it to the people on the “front lines” to know what’s really going on, as “scientists and commercial fishermen appearing before a congressional hearing Thursday challenged assertions from the Obama administration that the “vast majority” of the oil spilled into the Gulf of Mexico is gone.” [WSWS]
* Also, leave it to scientists to come up with some pesky little facts to screw up everybody’s celebration party. “Researchers say they saw a 22-mile hydrocarbon plume in Gulf” [CNN]
* Also, “new evidence shows that a 22-mile-long (35-kilometer-long), 650-foot-high (200-meter-high) pocket of oil has persisted for months at depths of 3,600 feet (1,100 meters).” [NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC]
* And even if, for some reason, all of the above wasn’t enough proof something is rotten in the Gulf, “”Corexit Is Being Sprayed at Night, Even Now (According to BP Vessel of Opportunity Workers and Others)” Sooooo, riddle me this. Why is Corexit still being sprayed if there’s nothing left for Corexit to get rid of? I have a feeling this is a trick question. [WASHINGTON”S BLOG]
Is it me, or does it look more and more like BP was hoping nobody looked below the surface for what is really underneath? Where did BP’s get this brilliant idea from? The Shallow Hal movie?
—— END OF GULF OIL SPILL UPDATE SECTION ——
* American Airlines would like you to know they’re going to ream our wallets while laughing their asses off update their pricing structure once again. In their infinite heartless greed wisdom, they are now charging extra for front seats. [TBO]
* Finally, micro-needles are being developed to replace syringes. They’re small enough not to hurt like “regular” needles, but strong enough to deliver drugs into the bloodstream. Cool! I can also see tons of “secret agent” kinds of uses for these things as well. [NEATORAMA]
NASA just announced that… “for the first time, the public can help choose songs to wake up the astronauts during the last two scheduled space shuttle missions.”
Dammit. I forgot there’s only two space shuttle launches left.
Anyhow, the press release goes on to say that.. “traditionally, the songs played to wake up the astronauts are selected by friends and family of the crews. For the last two scheduled missions, NASA is inviting the public to visit the “Wakeup Song Contest” website to select songs from a list of the top 40 previous wakeup calls or to submit original tunes for consideration. To vote or submit a song, visit:
The two songs with the most votes from the top 40 list will be played as crew wakeup calls on the final scheduled flight of space shuttle Discovery. Discovery’s STS-133 mission is targeted to launch on Nov. 1.”
Beautiful Day – U2
Big Boy Toys – Aaron Tippin
Blue Sky – Big Head Todd
Bright Side of the Road – Van Morrison
Countdown – Rush
Drops of Jupiter – Train
Enter Sandman – Metallica
Fly Away – Lenny Kravitz
Fly Me to the Moon – Frank Sinatra
Free Fallin – Tom Petty
Get Ready – The Temptations
Good Day Sunshine – The Beatles
Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles
Higher Ground – Stevie Wonder
Homeward Bound – Simon & Garfunkel
I Got You (I Feel Good) – James Brown
Imagine – John Lennon
Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down
Learn to Fly – Foo Fighters
Learning to Fly – Tom Petty
Magic Carpet Ride – Steppenwolf
Moon River – Audrey Hepburn
Mr. Blue Sky – Electric Light Orchestra
On the Road Again – Willie Nelson
Over the Rainbow – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
Rendezvous – Bruce Springsteen
Rocket Man – Elton John
Roll With It – Steve Winwood
She Blinded Me With Science – Thomas Dolby
Should I Stay or Should I Go? – The Clash
So Far Away – Dire Straits
Star Trek Theme Song – Alexander Courage
Start Me Up – Rolling Stones
The Distance – Cake
Theme from the Stars Wars Trilogy – John Williams
These are the Days – 10,000 Maniacs
Time for Me to Fly – REO Speedwagon
What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
Where I Come From – Alan Jackson
Window on the World – Jimmy Buffett
Meh. There’s a few in that list that are OK, but this is the space shuttle, dammit!
Something like this would be my personal song of choice to wake up to…
ZZ Top – La Grange
Yeah. I can see myself flying the space shuttle with that playing in the background.
AHHAW! HAW! HAW! HAW!
But I have a bad feeling this next song is going to make it into the finals. You watch!
The FDA had to bring the pain to a food warehouse in Athens, Georgia after they found the whole place was actually a giant rodent hotel in disguise.
“The U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Georgia issued a warrant for the seizure of all of the food in the warehouse from Mid-States Services Inc., that the FDA and the Georgia Department of Agriculture (GDA) determined to be susceptible to contamination by rodents.”
“The FDA and the Georgia Department of Agriculture (GDA)…investigated the Mid-States Services facility from July 14 through July 21, 2010, and found… 14 live rodents, seven dead rodents, 23 gnaw holes on multiple food containers, multiple containers of food containing rodent pellets, four rodent nests, and apparent rodent pellets too numerous to count, on and around food packages, as well as finding structural defects making the facilities accessible to rodents.”
Damn. Just put a giant neon sign outside that says “FREE CHEESE! NO CATS!” next time!
The food items, valued at $859,000, included… “crackers, cookies and potato chips, [and] were intended for sale to jails and prisons throughout the southeastern United States.”
This has been all over the news, and it looks fairly serious. Apparently a buncha’ eggs at grocery stores have salmonella in them, and they’re making a lot of people very sick.
The FDA press release says the eggs are… “packaged under the brand names: Lucerne, Albertson, Mountain Dairy, Ralph’s, Boomsma’s, Sunshine, Hillandale, Trafficanda, Farm Fresh, Shoreland, Lund, Dutch Farms and Kemps. Shell eggs are packed in 6-egg cartons, 12-egg cartons, 18-egg cartons, and loose eggs with Julian dates ranging from 136 to 225 and plant numbers 1026, 1413 and 1946.
Recalled shell eggs affected by the expanded recall are packaged under the brand names: Albertsons, Farm Fresh, James Farms, Glenview, Mountain Dairy, Ralphs, Boomsma, Lund, Kemps and Pacific Coast. Eggs are packed in varying sizes of cartons (6-egg, 12-egg, and18-egg cartons, and loose eggs for institutional use and repackaging) with Julian dates ranging from 136 to 229 and plant numbers 1720 and 1942.
Dates and codes can be found stamped on the end of the egg carton or printed on the case label. The plant number begins with the letter P and then the number. The Julian date follows the plant number, for example: P-1720 223.”
Unfortunately, this isn’t a localized problem. These eggs were sent to… “food wholesalers, distribution centers and foodservice companies in California, Illinois, Missouri, Colorado, Nebraska, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Arizona, Texas, Georgia, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Utah, Arkansas, Oklahoma and Iowa.”
Laugh if you want. When I first moved down here to the Texas valley, getting this newspaper was not possible. Seriously. There was only the option of “Sundays only”, and even then the paper was not always delivered on Sundays!
But finally…. FINALLY… I can read the Wall Street Journal! The current edition! Every day! At 5:30 AM!